Saturday, June 6, 2009

A sphincter says what?

Note: This is what I get for making light of getting my prostate checked in my last blog.
As I understand it, infections are commonplace with fibro sufferers. You name it, sinus or urinary tract -- there's a lovely buffet to choose from. It's difficult to say which came first, the chicken, (infection) or the egg, (fibro.) I've read that certain viral infections (and some bacterial, due to weakened immunity) can trigger fibromyalgia symptoms in those who have the condition. Or, does the condition make you more susceptible to infection? Before my head explodes, I'll just say that prostatitis (infection of the prostate) is my personal favorite. Not an uncommon infection among middle-aged men, but none-the-less, a real pain in the arse, if you'll pardon the pun. I get this maybe once or twice a year with all the usual fanfare:
Me: "Hello, is doctor jelly finger in?"
Nurse:
"Sure is! And he's got a hand the size of Hellboy, just waiting to make your acquaintance!"
Me:
"Well, that's all the invitation I need. Can I come by and have him route my tail pipe and jiggle my jumblies, while we casually discuss sports, American Idol and pretend my undercarriage isn't resting in his capable, monster-sized hands?"
Nurse:
"You betcha, cowboy! Besides he's good and drunk after a round of golf."
... I digress.

Still, it was my good fortune to have a female doctor see me today. I know what you're thinking: Well yeah ... dude... you don't want another dude ... messin' with yer ... uh ... junk. Frankly, women doctors are just a hell of a lot more considerate and gentle ... at least with me. However, there was this volleyball-coach-looking doctor, she made me feel like a prison bride ... but again, I digress.
So, as suspected, I have an infected prostate. It's nothing to get too weirded-out about right? We're all adults here, and men get goofy stuff going on with their hoo-hah-area just like women do. I heard that some fibro fans go into antibiotic therapy to help alleviate symptoms of ongoing bacterial infections and again, it's difficult for me, who isn't a doctor (other than the one I play on TV) to say how all of this fits together. Since the "condition" seems to have unique symptoms for everyone, see your MD and for the love of God, insist on a nice dinner coz something under your Dockers is gonna get fiddled with.

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